I'm going to jump ahead. This is a blog written by someone with ADD... so you probably should get used to it.
I started stimulant medication one week ago today. It didn't do anything the first 2 days. I was really frustrated and upped (per doctors instructions) my dose on Thursday. It worked. Well.
Thursday and Friday were the most productive days I have had in months. It was amazing.
So the medication is helping. No, it's not the "come to Jesus" kind of experience I've hear a lot of people describe, but I want to share 2 experiences which have been incredible.
I feel a little stupid writing about these experiences. You'll probably read them and think "why is that a big deal"? But I am sharing them anyway because for me, and I think for many with AD(H)D they are a huge deal. Perhaps they can be a window into this experience.
The first experience was on Saturday. I had been out late the night before treating my ADD with some good old fashion dancing (it helps, perhaps the next post will be on the medical importance of dancing your heart out to Rihanna). I slept in, and got ready for a wedding of a dear friend. One of my best friends (Clarissa) was also attending the wedding and we made plans to spend the day together.
There was a break between the wedding and the reception during which Clarissa and I went to one of my favorite places, Millennium Park. We walked, and talked and talked (I probably talked the most, but there was a lot of catch her up on, and excessive talking is an 'ADD thing', as is distractability... so back to the story) ... the walk was at least an hour. Then we drove home.
On the drive home I was sharing something, intensely (don't remember what) and for the first time in my life I was able to talk and control the volume of my voice.
For the first time. Ever. I am 27 years old, and have a painfully loud voice. I almost stopped the conversation to tell Clarissa what was happening, but I decided to save it for later. And, I COULD save it for later! I could remember.
This is a big deal. A very big deal. I feel like it's mental Christmas.
The second experience was just this evening. Even though today was the day to up my dosage, it's been a rough and decently unproductive day. Things have been hard personally recently, and I haven't been feeling great physically. A friend dropped off the book "Driven by Distraction" (one of the ADD bibles) a few days ago for me to read. I couldn't get myself to crack it.
I got home this evening, and curled up in my favorite pink chair to numb my brain with some Netflix. "Driven to Distraction" was sitting next to my computer. I turned on my computer. I picked up the book. I opened the first chapter, and started reading even thought I wasn't super interested.
And I kept reading.
Slowly, of course. But I kept reading.
Words are hard to find to explain this experience. The only word that comes to mind is that "It didn't 'hurt' to read"... but the word 'hurt' is awkward because people think of physical pain. It was easier? Clearer? Sustainable? All of these. And the commentary was gone, the noise was silenced, and I could actually read and think.
49 pages later I had finished the chapter, having only looked ahead in the book once. I looked ahead to see if there were other case studies in the chapter on men, not because I was counting the pages to see how far I was from the end of the chapter so that I could decide whether or not it was work the mental work to finish.
Maybe it's a small thing. But it's a thing, and I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed reading!? I felt free while reading, my head wasn't telling me that I was reading too slow, nothing was distracting me, if I didn't read a word correctly or lost my place on the page, it wasn't a big deal, I just read it again or reviewed the page till I found it.
It was peaceful.
Is this the whole new world ahead of me? Maybe all I'll ever get is a glimpse, but goodness... I'll take it.
(And it's time to stop writing this post, cause it took me over an hour... yup, the 12 hour release medication has worn off... time to get let my brain go.)
Time for a "treatment dance party" :-D
I started stimulant medication one week ago today. It didn't do anything the first 2 days. I was really frustrated and upped (per doctors instructions) my dose on Thursday. It worked. Well.
Thursday and Friday were the most productive days I have had in months. It was amazing.
So the medication is helping. No, it's not the "come to Jesus" kind of experience I've hear a lot of people describe, but I want to share 2 experiences which have been incredible.
I feel a little stupid writing about these experiences. You'll probably read them and think "why is that a big deal"? But I am sharing them anyway because for me, and I think for many with AD(H)D they are a huge deal. Perhaps they can be a window into this experience.
The first experience was on Saturday. I had been out late the night before treating my ADD with some good old fashion dancing (it helps, perhaps the next post will be on the medical importance of dancing your heart out to Rihanna). I slept in, and got ready for a wedding of a dear friend. One of my best friends (Clarissa) was also attending the wedding and we made plans to spend the day together.
There was a break between the wedding and the reception during which Clarissa and I went to one of my favorite places, Millennium Park. We walked, and talked and talked (I probably talked the most, but there was a lot of catch her up on, and excessive talking is an 'ADD thing', as is distractability... so back to the story) ... the walk was at least an hour. Then we drove home.
On the drive home I was sharing something, intensely (don't remember what) and for the first time in my life I was able to talk and control the volume of my voice.
For the first time. Ever. I am 27 years old, and have a painfully loud voice. I almost stopped the conversation to tell Clarissa what was happening, but I decided to save it for later. And, I COULD save it for later! I could remember.
This is a big deal. A very big deal. I feel like it's mental Christmas.
The second experience was just this evening. Even though today was the day to up my dosage, it's been a rough and decently unproductive day. Things have been hard personally recently, and I haven't been feeling great physically. A friend dropped off the book "Driven by Distraction" (one of the ADD bibles) a few days ago for me to read. I couldn't get myself to crack it.
I got home this evening, and curled up in my favorite pink chair to numb my brain with some Netflix. "Driven to Distraction" was sitting next to my computer. I turned on my computer. I picked up the book. I opened the first chapter, and started reading even thought I wasn't super interested.
And I kept reading.
Slowly, of course. But I kept reading.
Words are hard to find to explain this experience. The only word that comes to mind is that "It didn't 'hurt' to read"... but the word 'hurt' is awkward because people think of physical pain. It was easier? Clearer? Sustainable? All of these. And the commentary was gone, the noise was silenced, and I could actually read and think.
49 pages later I had finished the chapter, having only looked ahead in the book once. I looked ahead to see if there were other case studies in the chapter on men, not because I was counting the pages to see how far I was from the end of the chapter so that I could decide whether or not it was work the mental work to finish.
Maybe it's a small thing. But it's a thing, and I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed reading!? I felt free while reading, my head wasn't telling me that I was reading too slow, nothing was distracting me, if I didn't read a word correctly or lost my place on the page, it wasn't a big deal, I just read it again or reviewed the page till I found it.
It was peaceful.
Is this the whole new world ahead of me? Maybe all I'll ever get is a glimpse, but goodness... I'll take it.
(And it's time to stop writing this post, cause it took me over an hour... yup, the 12 hour release medication has worn off... time to get let my brain go.)
Time for a "treatment dance party" :-D
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