That "something special"

I'm reading the book "Driven to Distraction", which seems to be one of the most researched and readable books available about AD(H)D.

Yes, I'm actually reading it.  I still can't get over this whole ability to read thing!  It's pretty amazing.

At one point one of the authors mentions that AD(H)D does have a positive side. (Well actually it has many positive sides, they are just hard to find)  I think he writes more about it later in the book, but in the section I read he writes about how people who have AD(H)D often have an indescribable quality that draws people to them, a charisma, something extra that is intangible.

He also writes that, while there are famous people who have had AD(H)D and have been able to use that "something special" for great good, and to impact the world, most people with AD(H)D struggle so much with issue of self esteem and self worth that they never get past that to actually be able to harness and use the unnamed gift of AD(H)D.

As I've considered what that something special is, I think I have put my finger on a small part of it. People who have AD(H)D are known for our lack of inhibition.   We will say, do, write, explore, ask, and pursue things that the vast majority of people wouldn't.  This can be maddening to people and society, understandably.  While 90+% of the population is living in line with certain norms, unstated rules of conduct, and boundaries, those with AD(H)D just run headlong through them, often leaving an unintentional mess behind us.

Imperfect Clarity

I'm going to jump ahead.  This is a blog written by someone with ADD... so you probably should get used to it.

I started stimulant medication one week ago today.  It didn't do anything the first 2 days.  I was really frustrated and upped (per doctors instructions) my dose on Thursday.  It worked.  Well.

Thursday and Friday were the most productive days I have had in months.  It was amazing.

So the medication is helping.  No, it's not the "come to Jesus" kind of experience I've hear a lot of people describe, but I want to share 2 experiences which have been incredible.

I feel a little stupid writing about these experiences.  You'll probably read them and think "why is that a big deal"?  But I am sharing them anyway because for me, and I think for many with AD(H)D they are a huge deal.  Perhaps they can be a window into this experience.

The first experience was on Saturday.  I had been out late the night before treating my ADD with some good old fashion dancing (it helps, perhaps the next post will be on the medical importance of dancing your heart out to Rihanna).  I slept in, and got ready for a wedding of a dear friend.  One of my best friends (Clarissa) was also attending the wedding and we made plans to spend the day together.

False Start: ADD, Emotion and Frustration

I was on a high!  I was so excited to have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder because finally someone understood what it was like... and it's not my fault.

I joyfully went to the pharmacy, script in hand.  About 30 minutes later, I got a call from the pharmacy saying my insurance had refused to fill the script.

I won't get into details, it makes me stressed just thinking about.  Long story short:  Make sure to get pre-approved by insurance and jump through the many, many hoops that they put up including making your doctors work overtime for you.

So here is the thing, as I worked my tail off to get this moving, sorted and organized, I realized the irony.  Here I am, fighting for a medication to help me with ADD which ultimately will help me to handle these sort of situations better.  Seriously!?!

ADD/ADHD, Emotion and Frustration:

The (whole) life of someone who has ADD/ADHD is incredibly frustrating.  No matter how hard you try, you often can't do things that other people would say are "easy" or things that you "just have to do".  In order to do anything which a) requires prolonged attention and/or b) is boring/uninteresting/hard, you have to work up emotions.

Day One: Diagnosis

This morning I found myself in the office of Dr. Oren Mason at Attention MD.  I had heard much about his practice, which specializes in attention issues, and has helped a number of people I know.  I felt right at home as soon as I walked in, the walls were lined with Ansel Adams pictures... my favorite.

Dr. Mason is a kind, easy going man who himself has ADD, and thus was encouraged to start a practice through which he can help others.  We started with a simple computerized attention test.  I went through it and often found myself thinking "Damn, damn it!"

I kept messing up or missing things.

When the test finished, Dr. Mason printed the results and said "Well, the computer thinks you have ADD, but let's see."

Day Zero

I haven't even been diagnosed yet, but it's a few days away.

As always, there is a chance I might not have Attention Deficit Disorder.  But odds are, I do.

A little background, overview, and summary for future readers.

My name is Noelle and I am 27 years old.  I currently live in West Michigan, but I've lived all over the world. A lot of people would say I've had a successful and exciting life.  However, if you ask me, I would shrug and say "I guess".

See, life has been deeply frustrating to me for as long as I can remember.  Chalk some of it up to being dealt an imperfect hand in life, but there is still a margin of frustration that others seem to not experience.  This took me 27 years to realize, and a number of months to come to terms with and embrace.

I experience the world differently than other people.  

When I read, write or say that, there is a part of me that wants to throw a fit.  "I've been 'different' my whole life!  Does there have to be another realization of this?  I am so sick of it!"

But this time it is a different process.  Embracing the fact that I experience the world different, have to work incredibly hard to get and do seemingly easy things, my extreme forgetfulness doesn't mean I'm stupid, and that various aspects of who I am in social situations aren't actually my (intentional) fault has been freeing and helpful.  Finally, there might be some vocabulary to explain my world of frustration.

So, I'm starting a blog.  Why?  Because I've blogged for years and love it, but also because I think it's important to have a space to share about this process and experience.

Please note:  This will not be a rant and rave, complain, and groan blog.  I am hoping it will be funny, witty, insightful and helpful.  I intend to put up helpful resources I find, maybe have guest bloggers, and try the best I can to laugh along with this new revelation.  I will share my experiences, including my struggles, but I hope that you find this space delightful, honest, refreshing and fun to read.

That is why this blog is called ADDed to me.  I want my new found ADD to be added and joyfully incorporated into my life, even as I see as much help and treatment as I can get along this unexpected journey.

So to begin: